The Briar Patch

The first week that Trevor and I were here without the kids, I stumbled across a Christmas tree farm that also had 5 acres of blackberries in the summer. Blackberries are actually not one of my favorite berries, but there is a completely nostalgic value to them that I can't quite escape.


When I was a girl, Gramps had a long row of blackberries that he grew. They climbed the rudimentary trellis as they matured, and in the summer we would all pick berries until our hands and arms were scratched and bleeding from the briars. They were huge berries, not like the ones we would find wild in the woods around their house. They were good right off the vine, and they stained our fingers purple as we picked and devoured them, enjoying the juicy sweet but tart flavor until we were full.



When our buckets were full, we would bring them in to Granny and she would work her special magic in the kitchen, making blackberry dumplings, cobblers and jelly. The dumplings were my favorite, and the very thought of them takes me back to 1982 when I was 10 and the summer stretched endlessly in front of me.


All of this flashed through my mind when I saw that farm, and I decided that I would take the kids blackberry picking when they got here. Today was the first day that we've been able to get out there, so Gracie and I got up at seven and drove over. Nathan wasn't interested in going, so the girls had some special time together.


As we walked up and down the rows picking berries and chatting with other pickers, I felt like a child again. Gracie caught on quickly, and was proud of her progress and she made her way down the row, occasionally calling out and letting me know when she found a particularly big one. It's only rained once for about 5 minutes the entire 3 weeks that we've been here, but this morning the clouds were looming on the horizon. We finished up and went to the shed to have the berries packaged and weighed. All in all we picked about 3 quarts, which was more than enough for our little family.

Not long after we got home, the sky opened up and the rain came down in heavy sheets. We had timed our trip just perfectly, and set to work washing and picking over the berries.


Gracie ate one after they were washed, and announced that she didn't really like blackberries. That's okay...she'll always have the memory of picking blackberries in the summer with me and she'll eat them for that reason alone.

She-Who-Runs-With-a-Stick

Sunday evening, the daylight was fading and the kids were begging for just a few more minutes outside. They knew that Monday would be my first day at work, and their first day at daycare so they were trying to squeeze every last moment from the day. I gave them a few more minutes, and watched from the window as Gracie walked across the lawn with her "hiking stick", which she found in the field next to our house approximately 46 seconds after she arrived in Oklahoma.

It was an old, weathered bamboo stick with rough jagged ends and about a foot taller than Grace. As I watched her, I turned to Trevor and said something offhand, like "She's going to poke her eye out with that stick." Less than a minute later, Gracie came stumbling up the driveway with the stick in one hand, holding her eye with the other and screaming bloody murder. Gracie is my child that falls down and gets right back up running, so when she screams like that I know something is very wrong.

Nathan was frantically trying to tell me what happened as I grabbed Gracie and carried her into the house. Her eye was bleeding, she had blood all over her hands and I couldn't tell if it was coming just from her eye or from somewhere else as well. I got her on the kitchen counter and forced her hand away from the eye. At first glance I couldn't tell if she had damaged the eyeball, or if it was just superficial puncture wounds and small cuts to the skin. I quickly realized that all the blood was from her eye, and that she had not impaled herself on the stick.

As Trevor and I examined her, Nathan told us that Gracie was running with the stick and it got caught on the pavement. The stick stopped cold, but she kept going and jammed her eye on the end of it. I tried to calm her down as I cleaned the eye and put ice packs on it. I was convinced that we needed to go to the ER immediately, but Trevor was not so sure. He felt that the damage was purely superficial and that it would be a waste of time (not to mention money), and that she would be fine.

I went along with the plan after ascertaining that she could see out of the eye and move it around without any difficulty. She climbed into my lap and I held her for a long time with the ice pack held firmly in place. We called Mama on Skype and did a video call so that she could see Gracie's eye. She read Gracie a few books, and it really cheered her up. By the end of the books, she was feeling much better and I was glad that Mama had been able to take her mind off the injury.

When it was time for bed, I let Nathan and Grace sleep together so that Nathan could come get us if Gracie needed anything in the night. I went to bed, but couldn't sleep for worrying that I should have taken her to the ER. I had visions of her waking up blind in that eye, or of having some sort of swelling behind the eye that affected her brain function. I finally gave up and went into the living room to watch TV. I must have checked on her at least 8 times that night, and didn't get to sleep until about 2am.

Monday morning was my first day of work, and I was willing to go in late or call in so I could take her to the pediatrician, but Trevor volunteered. The doctor concurred with Trevor that all of the wounds were superficial and that there was no lasting damage. All Gracie could talk about that day was how she learned her lesson about running with sticks. Another quarter or half of an inch lower and she could have been permanently blinded or worse. If this kind of close call doesn't convince you that we are surrounded by angels, I don't know what does. Here are a few pictures of She-Who-Runs-With-A-Stick:

The night of the accident

The next morning

Monday evening

Settling In

Nathan and Grace arrived in Oklahoma last Saturday afternoon, so they've been "home" for a week now. Mama and Granny drove them up from Louisiana and then stayed for several days to visit and to see our new home.

We all went to church on Sunday morning, and Nathan finally met the son of friends we made when we were here in May. His name is Ben, and they were in the same Sunday school class. Gracie went to her own class, and when I picked her up the teacher smiled and said, "She would have done so much better if she wasn't so shy!" Apparently Grace led the class in several songs and jumped right in with the lesson.

We went out for lunch at a local Mexican restaurant for Father's Day, and then relaxed the rest of the day. Monday morning Trevor went to work, and the rest of us took the kids to Kansas to see the site of the cabin that Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote about in the book "Little House on the Prairie". We all enjoyed the trip and Mama got the rest of the pictures and information that she needed for the talk she is giving on Little House in Europe this summer.

We found an incredible park as we were driving home, and took the kids there to play Monday night. They loved it, and I think it's going to be a favorite place to spend time.

Mama and Granny left Tuesday morning, and the kids and I went to the Tulsa Zoo. It was ridiculously hot (the temperatures have been as high as 107), so we only stayed a few hours but Nathan and Grace had a great time. We rode the train and the merry-go-round, and the kids rode a camel. After growing up with the Houston Zoo, this one was much smaller with fewer exhibits, but it was still very nice with the added benefit of being only 10 minutes from our house.


My new friend Tracy called that afternoon to see if we wanted to go swimming, so we spent a few hours cooling off in the pool. Nathan and Grace played with their new friends Ben and Lily and had a great time.


Wednesday I took them to the new pediatrician for well child visits (yay, no shots!) and then to enroll them in school. It's hard to believe that Gracie is going to be in Kindergarten and Nathan in 3rd grade. We spend the rest of the day running errands and trying to stay cool.


Thursday I took them to the on site daycare at my new job to take a tour and to fill out the necessary paperwork. It is a beautiful facility and the kids will have the opportunity to swim and go on field trips this summer. After the tour, we went down to the Oklahoma Aquarium. Just like the zoo, it was much smaller than its Houston and New Orleans counterparts, but still very nice and more importantly, indoors. The heat is insane and we take any opportunity to stay inside!


Yesterday we mostly stayed at home and relaxed. The kids played the Wii and computer games while I did some organizing and final unpacking. This house has very little storage and no bookshelves which makes it difficult to find places for all our books. Most of them are still in boxes in our bedroom while we decided what kind of system we want to purchase to house them. Our old house had custom, built-in bookshelves that were completely filled and so it's going to be a challenge to find a home for all our books.




All in all we are settling in very well. I am quickly learning my way around the area and Nathan and Grace are already meeting new friends at church and in the neighborhood. Although I would prefer to stay home with the kids full time, I'm still excited about starting my new job Monday. The house is feeling more and more like home every day, and we are already getting involved with our Sunday school class. We have a fellowship tonight, and already have plans for the 4th of July weekend.

God has provided a comfortable home, good jobs and friendly people to welcome us to the area. The transition from known to unknown has been surprisingly easy, and it's been abundantly clear that God has paved the way for us, and for that I am grateful.

I Am Loved

So they all went away from the little log house. The shutters were over the windows, so the little house could not see them go. It stayed there inside the log fence, behind the two big oak trees that in the summertime had made green roofs for Mary and Laura to play under. And that was the last of the little house.

Laura Ingalls Wilder
Little House on the Prairie

This is one of my favorite lines from all of the Little House books, and it was exactly what I was feeling when we pulled out of the driveway to begin our trip to Oklahoma. It felt as though I was leaving a family member behind, and I could barely see to say goodbye through my tears.

As I did a final walk through of the house, taking pictures of the empty rooms and one more of the familiar fireplace I couldn't help but cry. Tears welled in my eyes as I recalled memories in each room, and said goodbye to each one. Trevor met me in the kitchen and held me as he prayed over me, and said a prayer of thankgiving for the many years we had been able to call it home. The house where Nathan started his first day of Kindergarten and where Gracie learned how to walk.

The tears continued to fall as we said goodbye to his family, but slowly they stopped the further we got down the road. As I drove, I began to look forward to getting to Tulsa and to getting the new house in order. I thought about my new job and all of the friends that we had already made, and I felt better. I thought about all the people who care about me and who have been faithful to offer prayers on my behalf over the last several months, and I felt even better than before. I thought about how richly I have been blessed by God in so many ways that can never be named or put on a list.

I am loved.

My geographical location might change over the years, and I may have to say goodbye over and over again to those I love but one thing will never change: I am loved.

My cup runneth over.

We're Here

I'm at Trevor's office right now checking email and editing accounts online because our internet is not up and working yet at the house. It's been kind of nice not feeling like I constantly need to be checking stuff online, but at the same time I miss the convenience of having it readily available.

At any rate, we safely made it to Oklahoma on Sunday. The movers came Friday to pack the house, and then Saturday to load it on to the semi. We left about an hour after the truck did (that's a story for another time), and drove until we got just past Dallas. We stopped for the night and then finished the trip Sunday morning.

The movers came Monday morning and had the entire house unloaded by noon. We finally stopped them from unpacking boxes because we were out of room for storing everything, and piles of stuff were accumulating on the floors. We worked hard all day Monday and got a good bit done, and then I finished pretty much all of the rooms except for the master bedroom and both bathrooms. The challenge has been finding a place for everything, because we downsized a good bit and this house doesn't have nearly the storage that we had before.


I've been in Tulsa today doing drug testing and benefits orientation for my new job, so I decided to stop in and see Trevor for a few minutes on the way home. It's been kind of fun pretending that we are married without children, but we are really starting to miss Nathan and Grace. Mama has them in Louisiana with her and she will be driving them up to us on Saturday. Granny E is coming with them, and I am excited about showing them around our new town.

So, I need to finish up my interneting and get back to the house so I can finish up the rest of the the unpacking. As soon as we get the internet hooked up at the house, I'll be a little more regular with my posting. Until then, expect delays.

One More Day

The movers come to pack the house tomorrow. Tomorrow. Just to be clear, that's tomorrow. As in one more day in our home. One more day to walk slowly through the rooms and hear echos of laughter, tears, fighting, conversations and love. One more day to look out of my bedroom window into the back yard and see the rising sun send shafts of light through the leaves of the twin pecan trees. One more day to sit out on the deck with a beverage in one hand and the phone in the other as I chat with a loved one and swing.

One more day.

But I'm also one day closer to a new life with my husband and children. One more day until we have a brand new house in which to create memories of laughter, tears, fighting, conversations and love. One day closer to joining a new church and making new friends who will soon be old ones. One day closer to settling in the place that God has chosen for us.

One more day.

Tying Up the Loose Ends

This has been a week filled with farewells and final moments. We had Gracie's birthday party last Saturday, which allowed us to say goodbye to our friends. It's been a long time since we were all together...Kenneth and Kellye, Chris and Ali, Mike and Heather...with all of the kids running around under foot and having a great time. We enjoyed visiting with everyone and being able to open our home one last time before the move.


Then Friday my friends from work took me out after work for lunch and to hang out. We went to Chuy's (mmmmmm) around 1pm and didn't leave until almost five! They gave me an incredibly generous gift card that enabled me to purchase a Kindle 2 from Amazon. I can't wait to get it next week!!! It was so much fun to be with these women that I have come to love and respect. It's not often that we are given the opportunity to work with a group of people with whom we can also be friends. These women that work closely with every day...Mary Ann, Linda, Sam, Mary, Gayle, Janet and Chanda...make getting up in the morning worth it. I never dread going to work and I am constantly laughing and being encouraged while I am there.


These women have seen me through my pregnancy with Grace and her birth, the deaths of Gramps and Uncle Tellius, and all the ups and downs life has thrown at me in between. They have been faithful to tell me when to mind my own business, and when I have stuff stuck in my teeth after lunch. I count each one as my friend, and know that no matter how far away I may move that they will always be there for me. I've never been so sad to leave a job, knowing that I'll probably never be able to recreate that sort of perfect workplace chemistry in my lifetime. But it was good while it lasted, and I have the best memories of them to pull out from time to time and revisit when I am homesick.


Then Saturday we had 22 of Trevor's colleagues over for a party so he could say goodbye to them. It was sort of a joke because the name of the party was "Let's All Experience Trevor's Daily Commute". For those of you familiar with the Houston area, we live about 45 miles east of Houston, and Trevor works at the Beltway and 290.


Yeah.


If he were making that commute during rush hour (oh I laugh at the singular usage of that word), it would be about an hour and a half one way. As it is, he leaves the house each morning at 5:15 am to avoid all of that, and so that he can get off early enough to pick Gracie up from the church in the evening. So all of his friends made the journey and they were all appropriately appalled at how long it took.


We had a really good time playing games and eating. Three friends stayed until about 9:30 pm because we were out on the deck with a box of Trivial Pursuit cards just asking the questions. The entire thing went off without a hitch, and I was able to meet Trevor's boss from Russia, who did not speak a lick of English. Trevor taught the kids to say "hello" in Russian, and I think it pleased him that they tried.


So, today we dismantled the swing set. We knew that we couldn't take that massive thing with us to Oklahoma, and so we decided to give it to Will and Charly so that Nick and Alex could enjoy it. Once it was out of the yard there was just this big, empty space out there between the two pecan trees. The place where our kids spent hours swinging, climbing and imagining the day away was suddenly gone. I didn't think that it would bother me, but it did. Just like seeing our fireplace without it's mantle feels like a little death. (Amber took it home with her to Louisiana...Gramps made it when the fireplace was built, and she wanted to use it over her fireplace)


The last straw was when I ran out to the store for a few groceries later in the afternoon, and then dissolved into tears as I approached our driveway. I've known for a long time that we were leaving, but seeing the house sitting there expectantly waiting for me to come home was more than I could bear. I just sat in my car and cried for a few minutes. I've been pushing all of this down as I've made plans and kept moving forward, but now that planning is over and all that's left to do is say goodbye.

It's turning out to be harder than I thought.

Grace

As much as I try to stop time, it just keeps moving forward. Gracie turned five this past Monday, and as she blew out the candles and made her wish I couldn't help feeling a little sad. My tiny little baby is growing up and she will never stop. There are so many things that I find endearing about her personality, so I decided to compare her with the actual definitions for grace in the dictionary.

Grace

1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion. Ummm....no. She's too much like her mother! We've never met a change in floor color that we couldn't trip over.
2. A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement. Most definitely. She can charm the pants off of most anyone who meets her.
3. A sense of fitness or propriety. Again...nope. She runs around in her underwear for the most part, and doesn't care who sees her.
4. a. A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill. She wants nothing more than to help others. It's so sweet to see this part of her personality grow and flourish.
b. Mercy; clemency. We're still working on this one. Take away one of her lizards or dolls and her wrath will fall swiftly and terribly.
5. a. Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people.
b. The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God.
c. An excellence or power granted by God. I pray daily that she will be covered by His grace and come to know Him in a personal, saving way at an early age.
6. A short prayer of blessing or thanksgiving said before or after a meal. Her favorite one right now is: God our Father, once again thank you for our blessings. Amen (Did I mention that it is sung to the tune of "Are You Sleeping"?)
7. Grace used with His, Her, or Your as a title and form of address for a duke, duchess, or archbishop. Sometime I think that she thinks that she is royalty!

I love that little girl so much, and I am so proud of the person she is becoming as each year passes by. She makes me laugh (and sometimes cry), and I am so blessed to be her mother. Happy Birthday Grace!

The Treasure Fairy

In the far away land of Nannie and Papa's House a small fairy was born among the tree nymphs and dryads. She knew her calling in life from the very beginning and was aptly named Treasure Fairy. She spent her time becoming an expert shopper in the nearby lands of Target Dollar Section and Everything's A Dollar, collecting items that she knew would please the sometimes inhabitants of Nannie and Papa's House.

She gave a mirthful giggle when the oldest one they called Nathan could not pronounce her name and began calling her The Blueberry, and sent happy thoughts his way when she would deposit the small gifts in his treasure box each night. She would hide in the closet to wait for his sleepy tread on the floor in the morning, basking in the glow of his delight which imbued her with magic and strengthened her for another shopping trip.

Then the next child named Gracie was suddenly old enough to have a treasure box, and she was able to procure girly gifts for the little one. She flitted among the pink items and sparkly stickers, anticipating the squeals of pleasure that would accompany their discovery. She loved the children, and although their visits to the land of Nannie and Papa's House were infrequent, she continued to stockpile gifts so that she would be ready at any time to welcome them back.

Then one day Nathan looked a bit perplexed as he opened his box. He was happy with his gifts, but she did not receive her normal boost of magic when he saw them. She followed him at a distance as he sought out the Queen of the land, and asked her in a quiet voice if there was really a Treasure Fairy (because by this time he could pronounce her name correctly) and she gently told him the truth. "No son, there is not a real Treasure Fairy. Nannie and Papa put those gifts in your box every night."


Treasure Fairy gasped at this blatant lie and quickly flew away to her small hidey hole in the closet where she sobbed her little heart out. Then she heard a small sound by the treasure boxes. She peeked out from her hiding place and saw Gracie sitting there with a look of pure joy on her face as she cradled a package of sparkly stickers in her hands. Treasure Fairy felt her strength coming back and leaped into the air with a little shout. "She still believes! She still believes!", she thought triumphantly.


And so it was that the oldest child left part of the magic of childhood behind, and soon thereafter lost his faith in the Tooth Fairy as well. But both fairies knew that although his growing mind couldn't hold on to them and logic both, that they still had Gracie for a season. And it was enough.

Old Roads

As I made the trip home to Louisiana this past weekend, I was immersed in a sea of memories and tiny moments that anchor me to that geographical location no matter how far away I might move. Like the mighty Mississippi that undulates and flows from Natchez to New Orleans, they washed over me in muddy waves with every car ride, conversation, hug and goodbye.

The road that runs in front of Granny and Gramps' house saw me get behind the wheel of a car for the first time. Mama pulled over as we made the last turn on the long trip from Texas and let me drive the remaining 1/2 mile to their house, and I was beaming from ear to ear the entire time. As I bounded out of the car with typical 15 year old enthusiasm, I couldn't wait to tell them that I had driven!

The open field beside Granny Traylor's house used to be a huge garden that was tended by her father, my great-grandfather. There was sugar cane in one corner, and Papa would have a pile of the hard sticks on the back carport ready to be cut open and chewed until the sweet goodness was a pulp. He always had a hug ready, and I remember how hard they were, as though he was going to squeeze me to death. The smell of Zippo lighters still remind me of him to this day, and he's been gone for 23 years now.

The taste of Hi-Ho BBQ (which isn't really BBQ at all), and remembering eating them as a child with all six double-first cousins sitting on the step in Granny's kitchen. Sauce dripping down grimy hands and arms and a cold Barq's root beer beside each one of us. Enjoying the taste of our lunch, but anticipating the rest of the afternoon that we would spend climbing the live oak and magnolia trees. There was one massive oak we named the animal tree because it had one of those impossibly low branches that almost touched the ground and we would ride it like a horse. Well, until the freakishly large orange stinging caterpillars sent us screaming in fear to some other mischief.

Strawberry season in the spring, with the seemingly limitless supply of berries bought by the flat and eaten in a myriad of ways: plain, with sugar, over ice cream, made into jam, over buttermilk cake and sliced and put up in the freezer for the rest of the year. All those little green plastic baskets in which the berries were packed that we used to make craft projects with yarn and whatever else we could find. Before the season was over, Granny would have stacks and stacks of those baskets and be completely unwilling to throw them away much like the mayonnaise jars and Cool Whip containers.

The smell of lunch cooking in Granny's kitchen, and the comfortable conversation around the dinner table. The faces are older and more careworn, but they are the faces of the people who love me and who are loved in return. My past, present and future all in one room sharing a meal, just like the hundreds of meals shared before. There is something timeless about the ritual of breaking bread with family and the playful banter learned from years of knowing, loving and trusting one another. The inside jokes that no one else would get or even care about. The instinctive way that we serve one another and remember who likes which food and who has an aversion to another.

Then making the trip back home on I-10 and realizing that it's a road that will not be used much in the coming years. Trevor and I have both been traveling that stretch of interstate since childhood, leading us to and from our families for as long as we can remember. As we slowed to make our exit, we discussed the probability that we would not need I-10 to get to the ones we love anymore. We'll be coming from the north from now on, and although we may make the occasional trip to Louisiana from Texas in a combined trip to see his parents and mine, it will be the exception and not the rule.

But even with the particularly sharp nostalgia I experienced this trip, there was an intermingled feeling of excitement about our move. The knowledge that my children have already begun to make memories that will sustain them their entire lives. Memories of cousins and grandparents...memories of the places I love...memories of their own. I-10 will not be the familiar path home, but they will have a path and it will always lead them back to us.

Oklahoma!

There has been so much going on recently, and I feel a little guilty that I have not been recording all the details as they happen. I want to look back at this season in our lives and remember all of the details, from the life changing all the way down to the small decisions that affected our move. So far I don't have much of a track record, but I'm going to try and remedy that over the next few days.

Trevor and made the trip to Tulsa last Saturday to look for housing, schools, daycare and a church. It was also a chance for us to reconnect as a couple without the stress of day to day living with children. I mean, we love listening to them argue about facial expressions, proximity to one another and whether or not a girl movie or a boy movie is going to be put in the DVD player, but we felt like some alone time was in order. Did I mention that his company paid for everything?? Airfare, hotel, food....it was like a free vacation!

The weather was unseasonably cool and wet, but we weren't complaining at all. The low humidity and temperatures that never broke 65 were a pleasant break from the current conditions in Houston. We met up with Trevor's boss and his wife for dinner at a local restaurant, and had a great evening together. I had met Ed and Carol a few times before, but it was good to get to know them a little better.



I had found a church on the Nine Marks website, and decided to attend there Sunday morning. From the moment we stepped out of our car, we were made to feel welcome. Before we even got in the door, a deacon was waiting there to greet and direct us to our class. He walked us to our Sunday school room and introduced us to the teacher, who was warm and welcoming. As class members arrived, he introduced us and it felt like we were already part of the class. Everyone was very easy going and open, wanting to make us feel comfortable.



Before class even started, we had been invited home for lunch by a couple named Paul and Tracy. We had been hoping that someone would be interested in going out to lunch so we could get to know them, but we never dreamed that we would be included so completely by total strangers. The people in this church are truly the body of Christ...working and serving in His name.

The church service was wonderful, and the pastor used scripture to interpret scripture and the preaching was expositional. It was all that we could have hoped for in a church, and we felt right at home. I lost track of the number of people who spoke to and welcomed us that morning.

Anyway, after church we followed Paul and Tracy home for lunch with their family. As we ate and enjoyed fellowship with them, I was struck once again at how lavish God is with His mercy and grace when it comes to His children. These people didn't know us from Adam, and yet they opened their home and hearts to us. It turned out that their two youngest children were close in age to Nathan and Grace, and their oldest were old enough to babysit. We had a good visit with them, and Tracy and I exchanged Facebook information and email addresses before we left.

Monday morning we met with a realtor to look at a rent house that we had found online, and with one appointment we settled the issue of housing. We decided to go ahead and rent for a year until we become more familiar with the area. The house is in a planned community, with a non-existent backyard, no trees and minimum storage...pretty much the polar opposite of our current house, but the rent is reasonable and hopefully we will only be there a year.

So, with a new church and house checked off the list, I went to my first interview that afternoon. It was for a PRN (or "as needed" for the non-medicals out there) position, and it went very well. The facility was beautiful and it would really fit the kid's schedules so that I could be home with them for the most part. The only drawback is that there are no guaranteed hours since it's PRN, which makes it difficult to plan a budget.

We spent Tuesday looking into daycare, enrollment for school and going to the local grocery store to see if there was anything that we needed to stock up on before the move. Lo and behold...they sell Blue Bell ice cream! There is actually a creamery in Broken Arrow, so it makes it feel more like Texas for us. We'll have to take the kids for a tour once we get settled. The only thing that we couldn't find in the store was a particular brand of syrup that we like to eat with our biscuits, so when I got home I bought 2 large vats to include with our moving boxes. Because you know how we Southerners are about our biscuits...

We met Ed and Carol again for dinner at this really good Greek restaurant called Helen of Troy, and the chef was very informative about the different sauces and whatnot. He brought out a sampler tray so we could taste them and decide what we wanted to order. I ended up with an incredible Greek salad that looked nothing like what they serve at Panera Bread, but was out of this world.

Wednesday morning I went to my second interview, this time for a full time position. I loved the center, the staff was very friendly and laid back and I really felt like I could see myself working there. The interview went well, and I am waiting to hear back from the manager. The only problem with the two job interviews is that they had to fill the positions before I was able to get up there to meet them, but both hospitals are pushing to have additional positions opened because they are so busy. It's sort of a waiting game right now, but I am confident that God has all the details worked out and that I just need to patiently wait.

We flew back home Wednesday afternoon, and the sweetest sight in the entire world was Gracie's face as she opened the front door and saw us sitting there. I missed them while we were gone, but we were so busy that the time sort of flew by. But when I saw her little face shining with joy, I realized how much I missed seeing them and was so glad to be home. They were full of news about their few days without us, and it was good to just sit and listen to them talk.

We accomplished pretty much everything that we set out to do on the trip, and were also able to see a few movies and spend some much needed time alone. Our overall impression of the Tulsa area was incredibly positive because the people were so friendly. I don't know if I just was interacting with people who were all having great days or what, but I don't think I had one rude experience the entire trip. Even the teenagers at the local Subway seemed happy to do to their job, instead of the standard "I'm too cool to be here what do you want so I can get back to texting my boyfriend" or the "I can't be bothered to do my job" attitude.

The only obstacles that we need to overcome now are selling our house and nailing down my job in Tulsa. My last day of work here is June12th, and we are planning to move that weekend so we can be in the house the following week and get settled. My mom is going to take the kids home with her to Louisiana for that week so when they arrive, all of their stuff will be moved in and arranged so that it's less of a shock for them. We want to make this transition as easy and painless as possible, and they are both excited about the change.

So now, we just wait. Wait for the house to sell, wait to hear back about my job(s), and wait to say goodbye to Texas.

Did Someone Alter the Number of Hours in a Day?

I think that must be the problem, because I can't seem to find the time to do anything these days! Every time I think about blogging, I think of 10 other things I need to be doing and so the blogging gets pushed to the bottom of the list...again.

To be honest, I don't have time to blog right now, but I did want to say that the trip to Tulsa went very well, we love the area and we are even more excited than ever to be moving next month. I plan to write about our trip in more detail, but today I am going to spend time with my kids and just relax.

For all you moms out there, Happy Mother's day!

The Limbo is Coming to An End

I realize that my blogging has been spotty to say the least, but the uncertainty of this move has sort of turned my life upside down. I'm usually very organized, methodical and have things planned out days in advance but this past month I have been a pod person. I have struggled to answer emails, check my favorite blogs and even return phone calls. This is so out of character for me that friends have started wondering if I succumbed to the swine flu!

No swine flu here, but we have had lots of drama! We put the house on the market April 1, and by the 6th, we had a buyer. The contracts were written up and signed, inspections completed and we were just waiting on a closing date. Then our buyers suddenly developed a case of unrealistic expectations, and sent us a list roughly 2 yards long of things they wanted us to fix from the inspection report. I would like to interject here that this house was built in 1972. What was up to code then, is not necessarily up to code now, but that doesn't mean that it is unsafe or not functional.

Some of the things Trevor was able to fix himself, but there were a few items that were just ridiculous. They wanted us to move the breaker box! The breaker box! We also had an inspector who liked to spin tall tales of "what ifs" and who also liked to provide inappropriate information to the buyers about his perception of property values in our neighborhood. He also provided an incorrect inspection report to the buyers. He said that there were no smoke detectors in the bedrooms (ummm...then what are those round, blinky things above each door??) and that we had gas logs in our strictly wood burning fireplace.

Those were just a few things, but if he got the simple stuff wrong, who knows what else was inaccurately reported. At any rate, the realtors kept trying to tell the buyers that unless an item on the inspection report made the house functionally deficient, the list was simply a suggestion of things to address. I think they were first time buyers, because they insisted on the entire list being fixed and before we could even give them an answer they called to say that they wanted to reduce the price by $10,000 and they still wanted us to fix everything.

Huh?

We had already agreed to pay their closing costs, title insurance, home warranty and warranty transfer fees. We also had to pay our realty fees, so after it was all said and done we would have had to bring money to closing to sell our house. Am I the only one who thinks that's ridiculous??? We countered, they refused and backed out of the contract. We were disappointed, but knew that God had a plan for our house and finances and that it would all work out in the end.

So, it's been a week and our friend and realtor Kellye called us with the news that someone wanted to see the house today. I can't adequately express how much I appreciate Kellye. She has worked tirelessly to sell our house, and to be the go between for us. She has researched problems for us, and is never more than a phone call away. We have been so blessed to have a Christian friend advocating for us in an area where we have little or no expertise.

Trevor and I are leaving to explore the Tulsa area today, and we will not be home until Wednesday evening, so the house will be available to show anytime she wants to. I am so excited about spending some quality time alone with Trevor, and having the opportunity to see the area where we will be living. This is such an exciting time, and so many of our decisions hinge on this trip. We will be looking at houses, schools, day cares and churches and I have two interviews while we are there. Many of our questions about when we will be moving will be answered in the next few days, and that will be a huge load off of our minds. The uncertainty of our future has been the one thing that has stressed me out. I know that God has it all worked out, but I am a planner and the not knowing has left me in a state of limbo.

So, the kids are packed and ready to go to Gran and Grandpa's for a few days, and we are packed and ready to be alone!

Bluebonnets 2009

This year as we went to our familiar hill of bluebonnets to take pictures, it was with a sense of finality. This will be the last spring we will be able to dive into the sea of Texas wildflowers. I realize that Oklahoma is not a barren wasteland, and I'm sure that we will find new ways to continue our springtime tradition of picture taking, but they won't be bluebonnets.

Mama and Daddy were with us this year, so I was able to get a few shots of them with the kids. Sadly, Nathan has reached the age where he is completely disinterested in taking any type of photograph and it's clearly evident in the few shots I was able to get of him. The more I fussed about his fake smile, the faker it got so I finally just gave up.

Gracie on the other hand had a great time in front of the camera. She had a moment or two, but overall the shots of her really captured her personality. Once we got her laughing, it was all good. And who knows? Maybe we'll be home for Easter next year and be able to get one more chance at the bluebonnets.

Unity

Most wedding ceremonies have traditional elements woven into their fabric. It might be the long white bridal gown or maybe it's the exchanging of rings. There are certain things we expect to see when we attend a wedding: bridesmaids and groomsmen, bouquets of flowers, wedding cake and garters.

Twelve years ago today I walked down the aisle to my beloved. We declared our love for one another before family and friends, and entered into a covenant ordained by God. We exchanged rings and pledged faithfulness until death parts us in this life. We lit a unity candle representing our desire to leave our parents and to cleave to one another in all things.

I chose a very simple, ivory pillar for our unity candle. There is nothing really special about it...you can buy a hundred just like it at your nearest craft store. It's a bit dented and worn from all of our moves, and it tends to get a bit dusty because it is seldom used. But every year on our anniversary, we light our unity candle again. We light it to remind us that we are in this marriage for the long haul, and that we have forsaken all others in order to be as one. We are united in love and mutual respect, and lighting that candle each year just reminds me of how lucky I am to have found my soul mate.

Statistics prove that not everyone is so fortunate, and the knowledge that God blessed me with Trevor just overwhelms me sometimes. I have a best friend for life. Someone to whom I can confide my deepest, darkest secrets without fear, and from whom I never have to hide anything. He is the one person in the world who is always on my side, even when I'm wrong. He loves and cherishes me, and he makes my life complete.

So today I celebrate both the goodness of God for giving him to me, and the gift that is my marriage. Happy anniversary Trevor!

It Makes My Legs Hurt To Watch

A friend of mine sent me this video a few days ago, and I just got around to viewing it.

Ya'll.

This is amazing. It's kind of long, but well worth the time. It's 32 elementary school girls from Kings Mill, Ohio and they're known as the King's Firecrackers. This video is of a half-time show at a basketball game at the US Naval Academy. Not even on my best day in my jump roping prime...not even!

Prophecy Fulfilled

Today is a day of mourning and celebration. We mourn the fact that Christ had to die such a horrific death on the cross. We cringe at the thought of the tortures He endured, and the suffering He gladly bore that day long ago. We analyze the events leading up to the crucifixion, trying to make sense of a sacrifice so complete and amazing that it defies reason. We imagine the women and disciples at the foot of the cross, weeping and mourning the loss of the God man they loved so dearly.

But we have the benefit of hindsight that they did not. We don't have to wait until Easter morning to celebrate because we know the outcome. We know that in the midst of our sorrow and horror at His death that He is alive! As the angels spoke to the them, "Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but is risen!" We don't have to hide in darkened rooms for 3 days, afraid and heartbroken over an unspeakable loss. We can celebrate every day that our Lord has conquered the grave and that His sacrifice made possible our communion with God. He fulfilled the prophecy in Isaiah so that we might be justified.

Who has believed our report?
And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant,
And as a root out of dry ground.
He has no form or comeliness;
And when we see Him,
There is no beauty that we should desire Him.
He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
He was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
So He opened not His mouth.
He was taken from prison and from judgment,
And who will declare His generation?
For He was cut off from the land of the living;
For the transgressions of My people He was stricken.
And they made His grave with the wicked—
But with the rich at His death,
Because He had done no violence,
Nor was any deceit in His mouth.
Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him;
He has put Him to grief.
When You make His soul an offering for sin,
He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days,
And the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in His hand.
He shall see the labor of His soul, and be satisfied.
By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many,
For He shall bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great,
And He shall divide the spoil with the strong,
Because He poured out His soul unto death,
And He was numbered with the transgressors,
And He bore the sin of many,
And made intercession for the transgressors.

Isaiah 53

House Update

I've received so many emails asking how the move is going, that I thought I would do a brief post here to keep everyone up to date. I know. You were just thinking how much you wished that Xandra would post about the sale of her house. It's on my mind so it must be on yours, right? Right.

So the couple who saw the house this past Sunday gave us a very good offer the next day. We made a counter-offer (I sound very experienced, don't I?) and their realtor called to see if they could come see the house again yesterday. Thank goodness I decided to make the beds and wipe down the counters before I left for work!! They had a few questions that I was able to answer through email and now we are just waiting.

Waiting for the call or email that will let us know if we have a deal or not. I've been anxiously checking my phone all day, and hoping that they agreed to our terms. Is it weird that I want to invite them over for dinner? I want to show them around the house myself, and tell them all about it. The quirks, the special things that Trevor has installed or built to make life easier and the general history of it all. I want them to know where the 100+ year old bricks that form the fireplace are from. I want them to know how wonderful it is to sit out on the deck in the early morning with a cup of coffee and listen to the birds sing.

A friend of mine said that when she moved out of her house, she left flowers and a letter for the new owners. I think I might do the same...

Busy Times

It's been a busy several weeks for us. We have been working hard to get the house ready to sell and the items on the to-do list have slowly been crossed off with great relief. We've painted rooms, replaced baseboards, painted ceilings, gutted the utility room and refinished it, and power washed the house. We've placed flowering plants outside the front door to increase curb appeal. We've packed away most of our personal pictures and mementos to make our home as neutral as possible, and we had someone come in and do a deep cleaning.

The house listed Wednesday, and we had our first potential buyer come see it yesterday evening. The only problem was that Nathan has been sick with a viral fever since Tuesday night, and I had to get him out of the house for about an hour when he wasn't feeling very well. He didn't complain and luckily the virus was on it's last legs, so all went well. Apparently the buyer just purchased the house next door, and he was looking at this one for his brother who has a wife and two children. How cool would that be to live next door to your brother or sister. It would be a dream come true for me!

We have someone else coming to see the house Sunday afternoon, so we'll see how all of this goes. When we started getting calls the day after we listed, I started getting anxious. What if someone offers what we're asking and we have to be out by May? What if we can't find a place in Tulsa? What if, what if, what if??!!! Do you know how ridiculous I felt after my brief moment of stress and speculation? Do you have any idea how faithful God has been to us during this time of change and upheaval?

My friend Kellye suggested that I write down all of the ways that God has been faithful during this time so that the next time I get discouraged I could look back and remember all that He has done for me. For instance:

• Trevor's company has a relocation package that is reminiscent of the eighties. All expenses paid from closing costs to providing a moving company to pack us up, move us and then unpack us when we get there. We have had very little stress regarding the financial side of this move, and that is a blessing.
• We found a Nine Marks church online that we plan to visit and that looks like it will be a good fit for our family.
• We already have friends and contacts in Oklahoma because of business Trevor has conducted there.
• The schools where we are planning to move are very good, and Gracie will begin Kindergarten there. He has given Nathan a peaceful spirit about this whole move and he is looking forward to starting third grade in a new place. Oh, and they will be in the same building for the first three years, which will be helpful in terms of getting them to school on time!
• The Monday before we listed the house, our neighbor had a landscaping company come out and clean his yard. Not much of a blessing until you realize that his backyard was still covered in debris from Hurricane Ike. Let me do the math for you...that was over 7 months ago. Just let your imagination run with that image.
• I have two job interviews when Trevor and I fly to Tulsa in May to look for housing. One is a PRN position (ideal) and the other is a full time (I'm not going to turn down a job!). Our goal is for me to stay home with the kids, and this PRN position would allow that.
• We have a dear friend who is listing our home for us and taking care of all the details. Not having to worry about any of that stuff has been such a blessing, and we know that her business dealings are filtered through a Christian worldview.

I have been praying for weeks now that God will make the path broad and easy to see with regard to this move, and He has been more than faithful to us. Every decision seems to have a clear direction, and so many doors have been opened. When I have my "what if" moments, I just remember His faithfulness, and that He is in control of this whole situation.

Trevor is in China this week, so any offers made on the house will have to wait until he gets home. He arrived safely this morning in Shanghai, and we were able to talk to him before he passed out in his hotel room! I'm so glad that it's only one week instead of two this time, but he's going to have a hard time adjusting to the time change with such a short turnaround. He'll get home the night before Easter around midnight, so we'll be doing Easter morning alone this year! My parents will be here though, and it will be fun to cook with my mom one last time in the kitchen. This will definitely be a meal for the china and crystal!

Home

The paint has been applied and put away. The miter saw and the leftover lumber has been neatly stored in the shed again. The closets have been cleaned, organized and gleaned of all superfluous items in anticipation of strangers gazing into their depths. The bookshelf inventories have been reduced by 2/3 so as to not intimidate prospective buyers, and the empty space has been filled with vases and other neutral items. The (temporary) housekeeper has made all surfaces shine.

Our house goes on the market tomorrow, and we are finally ready. With each passing day, I am reminded of how many memories I have of this house. It's been my home since I was four years old. A lifetime of memories tied up in this one place, and I'm already finding it difficult to let go. From sleepovers, parties, graduations and weddings to my first date, kiss and prom, they were all here. I have raised my children here for the last 4 years and have those memories to take with me as well.

I was baking a buttermilk pound cake last Saturday, and suddenly began to cry. How many of these cakes had been made in this very kitchen over the years? Every thing that I do reminds me that it's coming to an end. There will eventually be a last meal, a last evening, a last night to sleep under the roof that has sheltered me for most of my life. Then I will have to walk out the front door where I waited so many times for friends and family to walk through, and not look back. I will begin a new stage of my life that doesn't include this small town or the hundreds of things that I love about it.

Am I excited? Of course. I can't wait to get to Tulsa and carve out a new life there. I have new friends to make and relationships to forge, but I can't help but feel a sense of loss at what I'm leaving behind. I know it's just a building, but it's been mine for so long that I can't imagine anyone else occupying it's space. Each room is dear to me, full of laughter, tears and the day to day living that we all experience. It's home and I am sad to be leaving it behind.

Eight Years and Counting

I had to be at the hospital before dawn eight years ago to be prepped for a planned Cesarean. Our families gathered in the waiting room in the early morning hours, anxiously awaiting the birth of the first grandchild on both sides. Trevor held my hand and stroked my hair as they wheeled me into the OR, but was left behind until it was actually time.

Nurses bustled around me as the epidural was placed in my back, and I was laid down on the table in preparation for the doctor. He came barreling through the door and after a quick greeting, went to the task at hand. Trevor came in just as he began and we waited in eager anticipation to meet our son.

Then, like a wild bird whose call disturbs the quiet solitude of the early dawn, we heard the sound of his cry. Loud and lusty; the sound of life. I began to cry and Trevor hurried over to see what he looked like. "He has red hair!" he exclaimed as I strained to see him. The doctor held him up for a moment before they whisked him away to the warming table to clean and weigh him.

We knew that he was going to be a big baby, which is why I was having the section to begin with. Well, his size and the fact that I had not even begun to efface or dilate by my due date. So when they called out 9 lbs and 13 oz I shouldn't have been surprised but I was. I had given birth to a toddler!


Over the last eight years that baby has grown into an intelligent, imaginative sweet boy. He has blessed Trevor and me in ways that cannot be given words, and our lives will never be the same because of him. In eight more years he will be driving, and then eight beyond that a man with a family of his own. The years slip by like water through a sieve and I grasp at the drops trying fill my memory and my mind with their sweetness.

I can see glimpses of the man he will be...he so much like his father. But there is much of myself in him as well, and it pleases me to see him empathize with others and give of himself. His character is one of honesty and trustworthiness, and he stands by his friends. He has a mischievous smile that cracks me up when I see it, and a sweetness about his spirit that is beautiful to behold.


But no matter how old he gets or how far up I have to crane my neck to look at his face, there will always be a part of me that sees him as that perfect, soft baby who showed me for the first time how to love unconditionally.

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3

Heart of Service

If you are a parent, then you know how brutally honest kids can be. In their innocence, they simply say the things that we would never dream because we have learned the social niceties that allow us to make and keep friends. For instance, I can't imagine being invited a second time for dinner if I announced that the main course was "yucky" and threw down my fork. Or for that matter being taken into a confidence again if I announced midway through a soul baring moment that "your breath stinks".

Our children reveal the very worst sides of our character (and personal hygiene), and early on we have to develop thick skin to endure the constant barrage of skin flaying honesty. My children have often pointed a spotlight on my most deep seated insecurities and flaws, and caused me to evaluate myself more carefully. But because of their honesty, their compliments mean so much more to me. They don't compliment to get things from me (yet!), and they haven't learned the art of manipulation (at least not to that degree!).

Trevor relayed a conversation that he had with Nathan the other day that did my heart a world of good.

Nathan: What is your favorite thing to do?

Trevor: I don't know...(thinking)

Nathan: Well, Mommy's favorite thing to do is help people, so what's yours?

He thinks my favorite thing to do is help people. In spite of the red-faced mad woman into which I transform when bathwater is splashed on the floor, homework is not completed in a timely manner and barked commands are not obeyed immediately he still thinks my favorite thing to do is help people.

I just love that little boy!

Livin' On Tulsa Time

Change. That little word can strike such fear in my heart. From the small things to the life altering, I resist change. I worry over it, spend sleepless nights thinking about it and generally work myself into a frenzy of stress holding on to it. So when Trevor came home 4 months ago with the news that we might be moving to Tulsa, my response was not what you would call open minded. As a matter of fact, I had a good sized boulder in the pit of my stomach when I allowed myself to think about it too much.

But over time I came to accept the idea, even embrace it. We began looking at real estate and discussing our finances. We were still waiting for official word from his company before we made any real decisions, but we felt fairly confident that we would be leaving Texas. Then he was told that the move was off due to the economy, and I breathed a little sigh of relief. I had gotten used to the idea, but I was glad that I didn't have to think about the actual move anymore. Finding a new job, childcare, a church...things that seemed so scary when I thought about them too long and too hard. The boulder dissolved and life went on.

I told my boss that I was staying, and informed the Sunday school class that I teach that they would have to put up with me for a least a little bit longer. I started thinking ahead to summertime childcare for Nathan and making plans for having family here in July. I felt a little bit wistful that we would not be moving, but on the whole glad we were staying with what was known and comfortable.

Then two weeks ago Trevor came home with the news that his company wanted him in Tulsa no later than August. We could pretty much move any time between now and then, but it was really happening. The boulder reappeared and suddenly I was back to contemplating when we would make the move, how we would sell the house in the current market and a myriad of other issues. I began to feel overwhelmed with the enormity of moving our family to another state and establishing new roots there.

Then I stopped in my tracks and said a quick prayer. My prayer was simple: "Lord, take this anxiety from my heart and remind me that you are in control and totally sovereign over all things. You are in both the details and the big picture and I can trust that all things will work for our good. It may not seem like it at the time, but I know that the end game has already been predetermined by You in Your wisdom and love. Please make the path broad and easy to see as we make plans for this move and give us wisdom and discernment to make choices that are pleasing to You. Amen."

This is the prayer that say every time I feel that boulder starting to weigh me down, and it's the one I pray every morning and night. There are so many plans to make and dreams to build, but the change seems less menacing when filtered though the knowledge that God is on our side and He will see us through to the end of this season in our lives. This time next year we will be wondering what all the fuss was about.

Better Late Than Never!

I'm usually pretty good about remembering birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions. I try to send a card or at least make a phone call so that the person celebrating knows that I am thinking of them. Every year when I get a new calendar to hang in the kitchen, I carefully transfer all the names written each month to the new one so I don't forget. Of course, these days I have them all in my iPhone as well, but I can't seem to let go of my paper calendar!

In recent months, I have been blogging less and and less. Partly a function of being busy with my life, but partly because I find myself with not much to say. Trevor (and my entire family)would laugh out loud at that statement, but I don't always feel as though I have anything worth writing down for posterity. Maybe that's why I completely missed by blogoversary this year. Or maybe it's because I've spent more time reading other blogs and not so much writing on mine, and so March 7 came and went without fanfare. Of course, it might have more to do with the fact that I was in Louisiana visiting family at the time.

I'm excited about reaching this 2 year milestone, because it means that I can have year two published in a book. I already have Volume 1 on my bookshelf, and I can't wait to add Volume 2. I use a service called Blurb and it is the coolest thing ever. It basically "slurps" your blog into the software and then you edit your book page by page. The final product is a book full of pictures and memories that can be read by my children when they are older, which is the whole point of my blog.

I decided to make a short list of some of my favorite posts from the last two years in honor of my belated blogoversary.

• The Day I Changed My Name
• I Am My Beloved's
• Smugness is Not a Fruit of the Spirit
• The Magical Panties
• Forgotten Lives
• Two Are Better Than One
• Poster Child for Crankiness

So, Happy Blogoversary to me and here's to another year of memories.

Waving Me Home

The first house that I remember from my childhood is the one where my grandparents lived. The front living room where the Christmas tree was proudly displayed. The huckleberry bushes in the backyard where we chased one another in circles until we were dizzy, and picked berries for muffins. The swing set where I would swing and sing to my Pillsbury Dough Boy doll. The little green bowls from which Granny would serve us ice cream that she had mashed up to make it easier to eat. Watching Gramps make Coke floats by scooping up the ice cream and then hitting the handle to make the ice cream pop in the air and land in the blender.

Squealing with glee when Gramps would trap us in his legs and tickle us. Laying on their bed and staring at the picture of Granny on the wall, dreaming of being that beautiful. The smell of Gramps' van with it's mixture of paint and turpentine, and the splatters of paint on his clothes. Sweeping the front porch with Granny. The Christmas I got my Curious George stuffed animal. Falling asleep on the couch listening to the gospel quartet practice. Being more than slightly afraid of Uncle Chuck when he threatened to skin me alive, because he was in college and I never knew if he was serious or not.

Hundreds of memories fill my mind when I think of that old house. Then they moved when I was about 6, and I made more memories. Courtney and I pulling up the grass by the new house thinking we were helping, when in fact it was grass Gramps had planted to sod the area. Playing with Granny's old hats in the back bedroom with my cousins, and sleeping under the old, heavy quilts in the winter. Playing hide and seek outside in the dark. Running through the rows and rows of corn stalks in the garden, then hiding from Gramps because we were afraid to admit we had fallen on some of them. Picking buckets and buckets of blackberries for cobbler.

Riding Gramps' lawn mower with the deck pulled up and then running it into a tree. Playing in Gramps' wood shop for hours and the smell of fresh cut lumber. The sound of the men watching football in the living room, their voices loud and masculine as they rose and fell along with the game. The smell of good cooking coming from the kitchen, the feminine voices trading secrets and enjoying time together. The feel of Granny's cool hand on my forehead when I had a fever.


So many memories made there, but the one that brought me to my knees when I was home this last time was so simple. For as long as I can remember, I've been saying goodbye to Granny and Gramps. We would drive over from Texas for a visit, but eventually it had to end and we had to leave. Granny and Gramps would stand at the end of the sidewalk (at the first house) or driveway (at the second) as we left. I can see them in my mind's eye even now...Gramps' arm around Granny, and both of them waving us off. I remember crying as little girl when we had to leave, and kneeling in the back seat so that I could keep them in my line of sight as long as possible. They never went inside before I lost sight of them.

As I got older, it became a bit of a joke and we would wave to them like Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies, holding one arm up with the other as we waved goodbye. But they still waved us on until we were gone. All through my childhood, teenage years and young adulthood, Granny and Gramps always waved me home when our visit came to an end. It was so much a part of the trip home, that I never really though much about it and how much it meant to me.


I stopped at Granny and Gramps' house (I can't stop calling it that, even though Gramps has been gone for 2 and half years) to see Granny as we left town to drive back to Texas. She had started a fern from a cutting taken from a plant that belonged to her mother, and it was big enough for me to take it. The kids and I said our goodbyes and began to buckle up. Without even looking up I said, "Wave goodbye to Granny" and put the Tahoe in reverse. I looked up and saw that there was no one there. Granny had gone inside without waving us down the driveway.

Now I don't mean that as a complaint against Granny. She is 81 years old and she doesn't have any business standing out in the driveway, waving her arthritic shoulder out of place just to satisfy an old memory of mine. But as the tears pricked hotly behind my eyes, I couldn't help but feel as though a chapter of my childhood was finally coming to a close. My heart was heavy with a sense of loss that was almost tangible because I would never see my grandparents standing shoulder to shoulder again, smiling at me as I drove away.

But as I mulled over my feelings from that morning, I was comforted by one thought. One day, Granny and Gramps will be among the many people that I hold dear who will be waving me on to the throne room in heaven. They will be looking at me with love shining in their eyes, standing shoulder to shoulder and welcoming me to a home that will be eternal, where there will be no more tears and no more sorrow. Just an eternity of glorifying God and praising Him alongside all the ones who have gone before me, and I can't wait.

We're Going Home!

Nathan and Grace are on spring break next week, so we are going to Louisiana this weekend. Since Trevor and I both work full-time, child care tends to be an issue during holidays and breaks. We decided that I would take vacation on Monday and Tuesday and he would take it the rest of the week to stay home with the kids. Since I'm going to have an extra long weekend, I decided to go home for a visit.

The kids are so excited about seeing Nannie and Papa, Aunt Rose and Uncle Dave, and all the other people that we love. I'm hoping to arrive around 8 o'clock this evening so the kids will still be awake enough to see Mama and Daddy for a little while. I plan to sleep late tomorrow and then enjoy a hot cup of coffee at the kitchen table with my mom as we catch up. Mama and I talk all the time, so there is usually not much to actually "catch up" on, but we always enjoy the company.

Amber and David have invited us over to their house for lunch, and we are going to spend the afternoon and night with them. They have been in their new home less than a year, and I am excited about seeing it again. My sister has incredible taste, and her house is just beautiful. I am bringing our Wii since they have never played with one, and it will be a great way to hurt entertain ourselves. Aside from the fact that I want to see Amber and David, I would never hear the end of it if we didn't go over to their house, because Nathan and Grace are in love with Jackson. He is the sweetest border collie ever, and I'm sure that all I will hear on the 5 hour trip over there, are questions about Jackson.

What day are we going to see him?
Do you think he has gotten bigger?
Will he want to play?
Can he sleep with us?
Can I throw him a ball?

Oh yes. It's going to be a long trip without Trevor. Thank goodness for the portable DVD players for the backseat!

Sunday we going to Amber and David's church, since we've never attended there before. They just love their new pastor, and were delighted to find a Nine Marks church in their area. I'm excited about hearing him preach, and to meet some of their friends. After church it will be back to Mama and Daddy's for lunch, and I'm sure that Uncle Chuck and Granny will be there. We'll just spend the afternoon relaxing and visiting, which is perfectly fine with me. Aunt Gail will be there in the evening to hang out and see the kids, so it will be a wonderful ending to the day.

Monday, while everyone is at work, I plan to take the kids out to see my grandmothers. Probably Granny E in the morning, and then Granny T in the afternoon. The only real plan I have is to bring all the ingredients for a lemon icebox pie to Granny T, and take pictures of her making it. This dessert is her specialty and it is incredible! I made one the other day, but it just wasn't quite the same so I want to see her make it.

Tuesday will be spent travelling back to Texas. We'll leave midday so that we're not fighting traffic, and so that I'll have a few minutes to catch my breath before I have to go back to work on Wednesday. I'm already anticipating my reunion with Trevor. It's going to be a great weekend!

A Brand New Day

It's day six on the ADHD medicine for Nathan, and I am pleased to report that he is doing splendidly! I've been keeping a journal of his ups and downs so that I can show it to his pediatrician at the end of the 30 day trial period. My mom suggested doing this, and for the 328 billionth time in my life, I'm so glad I took her advice! It's helped me to keep track of his behavior, and to be more aware of his progress because I know that I need to write it all down. I tend to notice things better when I know it's going on a list. (Thank you OCD, thank you.)

The first day, we did not see much of a change in terms of his behavior, but we expected it to take a few days for the medication to build up in his system. Day two brought more focus, less distractability and less superfluous movement, but his personality was completely intact and was not at all "zombie-like" or depressed.

Day three was a Saturday, and he had great success working on a school project for about two hours. Not only did he focus on the work at hand, he was not distracted by the normal sounds of the household going on around him. Trevor was cooking dinner and I was playing with Grace rather loudly, and he still sat there and completed his work. The old Nathan would have taken any opportunity to leap off the chair and into the fray until he had escalated it to inappropriate levels of jubilant yelling and laughing. That was always part of his problem...not knowing when to stop. We would lecture, discipline, encourage, threaten and talk until we were blue in the face and he still was unable (we thought unwilling) to calm down. I can see now that his exuberance was linked to his inability to control impulsive behavior.

He was able to sit still during dinner without fidgeting (any more than a normal 71/2 year old, that is!) and jumping up and down in his seat. This has been an ongoing battle with him for years. He could not sit still to save his life, and now we are able to have interesting conversations at dinner without constantly telling him to sit down and eat!

His teachers have noticed a marked improvement in his behavior and focus as well. They have been sending me updates by email that have been a Godsend for me. I was so worried about this medication and it's potential side effects, and it was such a blessing to know that his teachers were looking out for him and keeping us informed.

The very best part of the medication is that we haven't lost Nathan. He is still the sweet, intelligent, kind child that I know and love and his personality is completely intact. He still wants to run around and play with Grace, but it's not out of control. He still laughs loudly and appreciatively at things only a seven year old finds amusing, and he still asks me crazy questions and makes insanely astute observations about the world around him. He's still Nathan, just a little more under control. To be honest, he seems happier to me as though he is finally comfortable with himself. He's proud that he can do his best at school.

The other day he said, "I'm not always thinking about the next thing I'm gonna do." This was huge for him, because that was the very heart of his focus issue. His brain was always flitting to and fro to the next thing he wanted to do, no matter how much he was enjoying the current activity. Now he is able to appreciate what he is doing and do his best.

The only side effect that we have noticed so far is difficulty falling asleep, and even this seems to be easing up a bit. He's always been a good sleeper, and instead of sleeping 10 hours a night, he's sleeping 8.5. Not too much of a change, but enough to make me keep track of his waking and sleeping schedule. We give him his pill around 5:45am to try and offset the sleeplessness a bit, and I think that as his body gets used to the medicine this side effect will lessen.

The thirty days aren't nearly finished yet, and we still have a journey ahead of us but I am greatly encouraged by what we've seen so far.

Spectacular Sins (Chapter 6)

We have arrived at week seven of the book club and with it comes one of my favorite stories in the bible, the tale of Joseph and his brothers. A tale of jealousy, betrayal, deception and murderous intent, but at the same time a tale of love, faithfulness and restoration. Probably one of the most compelling stories in the bible for God's complete and total sovereignty over all things, good and evil.

Lisa gave us a series of questions to answer, based on a personal experience:

Looking back, describe an event that was both intended as evil and good. Are you allowing God's purposes to prevail or have you been content in accepting the evil consequences? Explain. I am going to direct everyone to something I posted last year. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you will recall this story. It was an emotionally draining situation, and it could have turned out so differently. In that particular case, I was able to see how God used the situation to grow me spiritually. I think that so many events in our lives are simply vehicles for God to teach us something about His character...just, holy, loving, faithful, jealous, righteous. In my case, He used something that only affected me indirectly to show me my own sinful behavior. It could have gone either way. I could have become even more bitter towards the people who had wronged my husband, or I could have taken the chance to reflect on the state of my own heart. Thankfully, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit I was able to accept the chastening for what it was...an opportunity to grow.

One thing that really resonated with me was Joseph's faithfulness no matter what was perpetrated against him. Are we being faithful in less than desirable situations so that God can make the most of them? How are lives being preserved as a result of your experience? When I read this question, I thought immediately of my children. My example in times of great trouble or difficulty goes beyond what I am learning, but has a permanent and lasting effect on the lives of my children. Do I want them to face adversity with a willing spirit, leaning on the strength of Jesus Christ, or do I want them to face it with bitterness and anger? I think they learn so much more about real faithfulness when they see me react once with grace and mercy in a difficult situation, than if I were to be gracious and merciful 10 times over during the good times. I pray that my faithfulness will preserve their lives in an eternal way, by being the example that leads them to a relationship with Christ.

A Difficult Decision

What thoughts and feelings does the phrase ADHD evoke in your mind? Hyperactive? Unfocused? Child who is not disciplined enough? Over medication? Misdiagnosis?

Yeah...me too. Which is why I am having such a hard time dealing with Nathan's recent diagnosis of ADHD. We had been having issues with his behavior and inability to focus for some time now. As early as Kindergarten, the teachers had trouble getting him to focus on a task, and to sit still for any appreciable amount of time. We dismissed it as a function of his age and his creativity since he was doing well academically and was even placed in the gifted and talented pool for 1st and 2nd grade.

The most challenging part for us was dealing with the discipline issues he was having at school. From all accounts, he was never defiant or willfully disobedient, but he was constantly getting in trouble for not keeping his hands to himself, playing at inappropriate times and generally not having any impulse control. It was difficult because the child we had at home did not behave this way. This is not to say that we have a model child who never acted out or threw a fit. It does mean that we had a healthy boy who enjoyed imaginative play, and would forget himself in the moment. We were constantly reining him in as he became increasingly hyper with the ever present reminder to CALM DOWN!!

Early this school year, his teacher mentioned in passing that Nathan had real difficulty sitting in his desk and following what was going on in class. For the first time I had the thought that maybe there was more to his behavior than I first thought. When he was younger, I figured it was just hard for a small child to sit still and not fidget all day long in school. But he was now entering the realm of elementary school where he would be expected to sit still and pay attention. For the first semester of school, his grades varied wildly. He still made As and Bs, but he would have a 97 one six weeks, and then it would drop to 82 the next.

He continued to have issues with his behavior, and I appealed to the expert on all things education in my life, Mama. I figured that earning her doctorate in education qualified her to give advice on this subject, so I called her. It wasn't the first call, but it was the first time that I was really seeking guidance. She suggested several things to try and help him focus better, but the one that we really did was puzzles. I bought several puzzles and we began to put them together. Nathan had no problem sitting for an hour doing a puzzle, but it was not without much bouncing up and down in his chair and getting up to stand while he worked.

We tried positive reinforcement for good days at school, and did our best to react appropriately to the bad days. It didn't seem to matter what we did, Nathan's behavior and attention to his academic work did not change. We called his teachers for a conference in February, just to get a feel for where he was socially and academically and to see if they had any suggestions. The conference was very enlightening, and his teachers clearly had a passion for teaching and for seeing each child do their best. They had many good things to say about him, including the fact that he was always polite and that he never lied. Even when faced with punishment, he would not lie about doing something wrong. More than anything else, that made me proud because it made me feel like the really important things we are teaching him are actually sinking in.

In spite of their praise for his manners and intellect, they both expressed concern at his inability to focus and to sit still. Both had tried changing the location of his seat and the people sitting near him. We saw that his desk was in the back of the room next to the teacher's desk. She said she finally put him there so he could stand up or kneel in his chair while he was working and not distract the other students. What we found was that both teachers had tried alternative techniques to allow him to work in a way that made him more comfortable, but it still was not working. They were still having the constantly redirect him to his work or to what was going on in class.
Trevor and I made the decision to take him to the pediatrician to have him tested for ADHD. We did it with trepidation, because of personal family experience with a cousin who was misdiagnosed with ADHD, treated for several years with no success, then correctly diagnosed as bipolar. We were understandably concerned about misdiagnosis. What if he was really just acting like a normal almost 8 year old? He was certainly able to focus for hours when he was creating something with his Legos.

Our pediatrician carefully examined him, and then ordered blood work to rule out any metabolic problems like diabetes, thyroid issues or hypoglycemia. The blood work came back completely normal, and we were asked to fill out a form designed to measure the different qualities of ADHD. We had one and so did his teachers. We filled them out, and brought them back to the MD yesterday for evaluation. She reviewed them, and then graphed the data for us so we could see where Nathan fell in terms of exhibiting the signs of ADHD. The higher the score, the more likely the child had ADHD.

Not surprisingly, Nathan scored very low on cognitive ability and on response to authority. Those scores were well within the normal range for a boy his age. But with the behaviors related to hyperactivity and attention deficit, he was clearly within the range of ADHD diagnosis.

Can I just say that I was devastated? I really though that we were going to walk out of there with some suggestions for behavior modification, and we would just keep on keeping on. But when she pulled out the prescription pad and started writing it out for a ADHD drug, I seriously wanted to cry. Were we about to become a statistic? One of the many parents whose child was misdiagnosed and improperly medicated? How could we be sure? Were we doing the right thing?

So many things ran through my head, and as I sat there with tears welling in my eyes, I had to give myself a good mental shake and say, "You're being ridiculous! She didn't just say that Nathan has cancer or an incurable disease! She carefully and thoughtfully diagnosed him with ADHD! GET A GRIP!" That calmed me a little bit as well as a quick prayer sent heavenward, reminding me that God is in control.

We asked some questions about dosage, side effects and length of use and then it was over. She instructed us to call her if he had any of several symptoms she mentioned, and that she wanted him to try the medication for 30 days. At the end of that time, she wanted to re-evaluate him.

So, here I am at the end of day 1. I thought about him all day long, and was thankful that he has teachers who understood my concern and kept me informed all day about how he was doing by email. There was not a dramatic difference in his behavior, but the MD said that it would take some time for Nathan to settle into the medication. Relieved that he did not experience any adverse side effects today, I feel a little better about giving it to him tomorrow.

Every time that I called a friend or family member to tell them what was going on, I felt like I needed to explain myself. It was like I was trying to convince myself that we had done the right thing, and was pleading that we not be judged. With all the kids who are labeled hyperactive and medicated for just being children, we were afraid that we would be judged as bad parents for even considering medication for Nathan.

The bottom line is that I trust his pediatrician, and I trust his teachers. Giving him medication is scary for me, but I know that we still have the authority as his parents to stop it at any time if we feel it is having an adverse effect on his mental or physical well-being. The fact of the matter is that we know Nathan better than anyone besides God, and we really feel like we are doing what is best for him right now. We are loving, committed parents, equally involved in his life and we are not substituting medication for good parenting and biblical discipline.

So, we'll see what happens now. Our family is supported by an army of prayer warriors, and I know that no matter how dimly I see the future, God is working all things for our good.

And the path that be my portion,
May be through flame or flood
But His presence goes before me,
And I'm covered by His blood.
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.

"I Know Who Holds Tomorrow"--Ira Stanphill

Spectacular Sins (Chapter 5)

It's week six and John Piper is still hitting me hard with some incredible truths and giving me so much to think about regarding sin and God's sovereignty. This post is a little late, but I felt sort of lukewarm about this week's study. Maybe because I was ready to answer the questions on Monday when I was off, but didn't get the questions until Tuesday. It sort of put me in a funk, and I didn't want to answer them at all (I wonder what category of sin pouting goes into?) but then received a concerned text from a friend who was checking in because she knew that I had not posted my answers.

I realized that there was absolutely no reason that I should be putting this off. Lisa and Missy are very busy with husbands, children and LIVES, and getting my nose out of joint because they didn't get the questions to a book club posted by an imaginary time in my head (thus upsetting the delicate balance of OCD and normality in my brain) was just ridiculous. So I offer a heart felt apology to Lisa and Missy who never would have known what a freak I am if I had not posted this, but somehow felt that I needed to confess. I truly appreciate the hard work and effort you guys put into this study and for suggesting it in the first place!

And Linda...thanks for the text and for reminding me what friends are for!

1) What were the primary motivations of the people who endeavored to build the Tower of Babel? The love of praise and the love of security, which I think all sort of stem from the sin of pride.

2) Why did God consider is a sin to live in a city? Because they were trying to exalt themselves to the place of God, instead of dispersing and filling the earth with his glory. They were being disobedient to the command God gave Noah after the flood to "be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth by "clustering" together in a city. I have to believe that we are not so different today...how often do we follow the "mob mentality" instead of doing what we know is absolutely right? We need acceptance and friendship, and will sometimes go to great lengths to be part of the in crowd despite the still small voice telling us otherwise.

3) Of the five ways that Christ's glory is magnified by the spectacular sin of the Tower of Babel (pp 69-72) which one resonates with you the most, and why? Christians guarded; I never thought of the story of the Tower of Babel in quite this way. Piper says, "God's division of the world into different languages hinders the rise of a global, monolithic anti-Christian state that would have the power to simply wipe out all Christians. We humans are far too evil to be allowed to unite in one language or one government." I guess it resonated with because it was such an utterly new thought for me.

4) Can you provide an example of the way that the Gospel of Christ takes root in literally thousands of different cultures, despite language barriers, social mores, existing religious practices, etc.? What does this say about the "uniqueness" of Christianity? I have friends from high school who are now living in Germany, and in their last update were talking about attending church in a place where the language is not well know to them. In spite of the barrier, they were still able to worship and praise God alongside a congregation of German speaking people.

5) How are you also guilty of sin in the ways the Tower of Babel builders were? Where do you seek comfort apart from the Lord? I have the spiritual gift of service, and I like to think that I always seek to serve others from a sincere heart and a love of Christ, but the truth is that I enjoy the praise that comes from serving others. I crave approval and validation for my work, and sometimes I let the lack of recognition simmer in my heart as the sin of pride. Sometimes it's easier to overcome than other times, but the bottom line is that I should resist those feelings altogether. The only approval I need is from God, and any recognition or praise from man should be secondary to knowing that I glorified Him and that He is pleased with my efforts. If anything, I should try to serve others in such a way that they only see Him and not me.

When I try to seek comfort apart from the Lord, all I am doing is wallowing in my own sin. Complaining to my husband and friends is just as sinful as loving praise, and I just compound my guilt.

6) My husband often says that at the root of every sin is pride (and I have yet to be able to prove him wrong). Was this true in the case of these people? How can you confront and rebuke your own pride? I think being aware of it is the first step. That sounds so trite, but it's very true. If you are blinded as to why you behave in a certain way, then you'll never be able to overcome it. I think that if we were all willing to stop for a moment and humble ourselves before God and man, we would get a lot more accomplished as the body of Christ. If we stopped criticizing others to make ourselves look better, if we stopped thinking that certain jobs are "beneath" us and just jumped in with both feet to whatever task God has prepared for us, if we stopped....well, the list could go on and on. I really believe that pride hinders our ability to spread the gospel effectively and renders us impotent to fully glorify Him in all that we do.