The Sovereignty of God

I posted several weeks ago about attending a women's conference with Ronna in Washington, DC, and here I am blogging at their computer in the early morning hours of another beautiful day. This trip has been such a treat for Trevor and me, if for no other reason than the weather. Keep in mind that we live on the Gulf Coast, and the temperature (or humidity) doesn't get this comfortable until well into November. We've experienced highs just below 70 and lows in the 40's, and perfectly clear skies with gusty winds. There's nothing like sleeping with the windows open at night!

The conference is over, and Ronna and I had a great time. Noel Piper spoke about the Psalm 91 woman, and really focused on the sovereignty of God. Because he controls (and intends) all things, we do not have to fear. We know with absolute assurance that His hand is guiding everything that happens to us, good and bad. He doesn't change terrible circumstances in our lives to glorify Himself. He intended those events all along, as we see in the story of Joseph and his brothers.

Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Genesis 50:19-20

My peace comes from my salvation and the knowledge that God is in control of all things. Not just the things that I want Him to have, but all things. At one point Noel said, "The limits that we put on God do not limit Him." It spoke to my heart because of my tendency to try to be self sufficient first, and then to run crying when I can't fix the situation myself and need shelter from the storm. I partition my life into "Areas Xandra can handle" and "Areas God can handle".

Foolish, silly woman.

God handles all things, from the tiniest detail to the looming problems. He is there. He is here. He is forever.

That they may know from the rising of the sun to its setting That there is none besides Me. I am the LORD, and there is no other; I form the light and create darkness, I make peace and create calamity; I, the LORD, do all these things. Isaiah 45:6-7

How is it that we believe God can heal, protect and love us but we have a difficult time believing that God is completely sovereign?

Then He said, “I will make all My goodness pass before you, and I will proclaim the name of the LORD before you. I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion. Exodus 33:19

He controls it all....who will come to know him, who will not. If we believe the scriptures when they tell us that God softened or hardened men's hearts according to His will and good pleasure, then why do we not believe that he can do the same today?

I didn't intend for this post to turn into a commentary on election, but there it is. I can't discuss or think about God's sovereignty without being humbled by the fact that He chose me. I did not choose Him. Before He softened my heart, I was completely dead in my sin, unable to move, paralyzed by sin and my state of depravity. But God had compassion on me when what I deserved was an eternity in hell for my sin...what we all deserve. His love and compassion broke through the layers of grime and dirt in my life, and washed me clean to stand before the throne of grace a new creation in Him.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified. Romans 8:28-30

Spectacular Sins (Chapter 1)

Well, we've started week number two in our online book club. I've been forcing myself to not read ahead, and when I have the desire to keep reading I just go back to the beginning of the chapter in which we are currently studying. This keeps me from just skimming and not really getting the point of what I'm reading. I want to soak in this book so I can glorify God in all ways, and so that I can speak intelligently to other believers about what God's sovereignty really means.

1. We'll start with an easy one. What are the four reasons that John Piper gives for writing the book? Which do you look most forward to hearing Piper answer?

Why does God want us to know His sovereignty over sin?
Why does God not restrain sin more often?
How can we have faith and joy during the severity of the last days?
How is Christ glorified in a world of sin?

I am most looking forward to reading about the third impulse. I think that times are changing and that we are in a position to be persecuted like never before. I have a sneaking suspicion that if we are NOT being persecuted, then we aren’t doing something right.

2. What is God's role in sin:
a. Does he allow you to sin? He allows me to sin insofar that he could stop me from sin if He willed it.
b. Does he cause you to sin?
No, God does not cause me to sin. My sinful nature causes me to sin, and although God may order events in such a way that I give in to my sinful desires, He does not MAKE me sin.
c. Does he allow temptation to come before you? Yes.
d. What resources does he give you to resist it? (quote scripture if possible.)

We pray:
And do not lead us into temptation, But deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. Matt 6:13
Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”Matt 26:41
We remain in the Word:
But the ones on the rock are those who, when they hear, receive the word with joy; and these have no root, who believe for a while and in time of temptation fall away.Luke 8:3
He does not allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able to handle.
No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it. 1 Cor 10:13
We will be blessed for enduring the temptation set before us.
Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. James 1:12

3.Are God's purposes sometimes accomplished through the sinful actions of man? Aside from the Crucifixion, can you think of another biblical example?

Yes, God’s purposes are accomplished through the sinful actions of man. We see it very clearly in the stories of Jacob stealing Esau’s birthright, Joseph and his brothers, and the hardening of Pharaoh’s heart so that the Egyptians would know He was God.

4. Piper states that his primary goal is to magnify Christ. What are some ways that a Christian might do that, even under intense suffering? What are some ways that we might do that, during our day-to-day frustrations and disappointments? Have you personally witnessed any examples of either?

When we are confronted with intense suffering, our first response should be intense prayer. We need to have that connection with our God so that we can be strengthened daily, and we need to reach out to other Christians so that we can bear one another’s burdens. In terms of day to day frustrations of disappointment, sometimes the best I can do is to take a big breath and acknowledge Him as Lord and that I don’t always understand why things happen to me. I think it glorifies Him when I say a quick prayer and hold my tongue in the heat of the moment instead of blurting out a hurtful barb. I think it glorifies Him when I praise Him out loud even when things are not going my way. I think it glorifies Him when I encourage others in their difficulties with a word and prayer.

5. On page 29 he writes, "We are pushing our way through a blood-spattered life that makes us feel connected to the world yet disconnected at the same time. We are here but not here. Love binds us to the tragic earth, and love binds us to the treasure in heaven." What thoughts does this provoke in you?

He really connected with my heart and my head with this statement. I could not have described the relationship I have with the world any better than this. I can’t help but get bogged down in the day to day business of living. The carpooling kids to school, going to work, dealing with the traffic, cooking dinner, cleaning the toilets…it’s not going away. It’s part of being a human being. But even in the middle of the most mundane task, I have the overwhelming joy in my soul that sets me apart from the rest of the world. When I see things on the news that break my heart, I can look forward to a time when there will be no more pain or sorrow. I can look beyond my circumstances to a better place.

Evil for Good

It's always amazing to me (although at this point in my life it shouldn't be) how the Holy Spirit works in our lives. When we least expect it we are used in such a way to touch the lives of other people not by our own design but by the moving of the Holy Spirit. I have been leading the bible study at work for the last 2 weeks and as I was preparing the lesson for today, I was at a dead end as far as how to present the material. We were studying the last half of the eleventh chapter of John. It tells the story of how the Pharisees begin to actively plot against Jesus to bring about His death.

As I was reading the scripture and poring over commentaries and reference books, I just couldn't get my mind around the point I wanted to make about the passage. It was right there on the tip of my brain, but I couldn't draw it out long enough to see it clearly. Then last night as I was laying in bed (with no preparation done for today's study) I made the connection between the passage and the fact that God uses evil for good in our lives. As I was drifting off to sleep, I was thinking of the passages of scripture that I wanted to use as reference. There was one in particular that Chris had used in Sunday School recently that really reinforced the concept of God's sovereignty.

That they may know from the rising of the sun to its setting
That there is none besides Me.
I am the LORD, and there is no other;
I form the light and create darkness,
I make peace and create calamity;
I, the LORD, do all these things.’
Isaiah 45:6-7

When I got to work this morning I received the news that a fellow employee was being let go. This was by no fault of her own and not a reflection on her performance, but a byproduct of downsizing and the uncertainty of the future. Ever since Memorial Hermann bought out our hospital, we have had many changes for the better. Overall, it has been a very positive merger and we have been satisfied with the way things are going. But, as with all merges, there are areas of uncertainty and upheaval and the cancer center seems to be one of those areas. Our doctor is uncertain of her tenure here, the patient load is dropping with no referrals in sight and as a result she had to let Becky go.

We are a tight knit group and when something bad happens to one of us, it happens to all of us. We are all in a state of semi-shock about Becky and we hate to see her leave our little group. So, as we gathered for bible study today in the conference room I realized that what I prepared was exactly what everyone needed to hear. We are not immune to bad things just because we accept Christ. Bad things happen to good people, even Christians. It is our response to those things that sets us apart from everyone else. Will I choose to praise God through my circumstance, being sure of His sovereignty and power or will I choose to lean on my own limited understanding and be broken and hollow because of what I cannot comprehend?

I had several people approach me after the study and tell me that what I said was exactly what they needed to hear today. That made me praise God that He was glorified and exalted by my preparation and study. Thank you God. Thank you for using me even when I am unaware that I am being used. Thank you for the work of the Holy Spirit that my heart might continue to be broken and reshaped for your glory.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
II Corinthians 4:16-18

Spectacular Sins Book Club (Introduction)

Today is the first meeting of the Spectacular Sins Book Club. If you would like to join in, get a copy and head on over the The Preacher's Wife. I promise you will be blessed, and that this book will totally change the way that you see God.

Several years ago, my brother Patrick introduced me to the concept of God's sovereignty. Not just the bland version that most Christians hear about these days, but the real deal. I have to admit that the concept of a God who was truly in control of all things, good and evil, joy and pain was a little hard to swallow. I had been taught that God is love and that Satan caused all the rest. To learn that God intended my pain was difficult to swallow, and I struggled with it for a long time.

But after much study in the Word and prayer, the revelation was like a light that came on in my life. Suddenly all the things in my life made sense. Even things that had happened years ago that I knew in some vague way had happened because God was leading me, seemed to pop in to focus and I was able to appreciate what a mighty God I serve. God is sovereign, and that is the one thing that gets me through whatever trial or temptation I might go through. It's all for my good and His glory. The secret of life is to glorify Him.

We are posting our answers to the study in the comments section of Lisa's blog, but I also wanted to put them here so I could look back in later years at my responses to this study. I am so excited, and I hope that you will join in.

1. Let's ease into this. I'm a huge quote girl so tell us, what is your favorite quote from the Introduction? What about it resonated with you? (Try to keep the quote to two sentences. I only say that because I find myself quoting entire paragraphs!)

“These spectacular sins do not just fail to nullify God’s purpose to glorify Christ, they succeed, by God’s unfathomable providence, in making His gracious purpose come to pass. This truth is the steel God offers to put in the spine of His people as they face the worst calamities.” These two sentences neatly wrap up what the sovereignty of God means. He is in control of all, and He gives us the grace to face whatever happens.

2. Piper opens the book by describing the most spectacular sin ever committed - that of the murder of Jesus Christ. What does he say the commission of this sin actually accomplished? (p.12, paragraph 2) How do you interpret the phrase, "He made evil commit suicide in doing its worse evil"?

"God did not just overcome evil at the cross. He made evil serve the overcoming of evil. He make evil commit suicide in doing it's worst evil." He banished evil forever by using it against itself. He used our greatest fear and enemy to glorify His son. It’s actually sort of ironic, but in a mind blowing kind of way.

3. How is evil defined? (p.12, paragraph 3) How does the understanding that "the apex of evil achieved the apex of the glory of Christ" impact your thinking? How will you allow this truth to shape your thinking when you are tempted to ask 'why' in the midst of calamity?

Evil is "anything and everything opposed to the fullest display of the glory of Christ. In the death of Christ, the powers of darkness did their best to destroy the glory of the Son of God. This is the apex of evil." No matter what my circumstance, I can take full comfort and hope in the fact that God is using all things, even evil and difficult circumstances for my good and His glory. I don’t have to see the big picture right now, because He does.

4. I was stopped cold when I read, "The coddled Western world will sooner or later give way to great affliction. And when it does, whose vision of God will hold? And also, "Christians in the West are weakened by wimpy worldviews. And wimpy worldviews make wimpy Christians." (p. 13 paragraph 4). Continuing along that line of thought, what false teachings do you recognize as being popular but unable to prepare us for catastrophe?

The first thing that comes to mind is prosperity gospel, but I think the fact that many of our pastors are feeding congregations milk from the pulpit. It’s not that what they are saying is not Biblical or true, it’s just watered down as to not offend any particular demographic. We need meat from our pulpits. We need men of God willing to put it out there with no thought to who they might offend if they preach on abortion, or adultery or dressing modestly. The full character of God is not preached, rather a watered down version is being presented. God is only love and forgiveness and the fact that He is also jealous, holy and just, seems to get lost in the translation.

5. Piper states that the purpose of Spectacular Sins is not "to meet felt needs, but to awaken needs that will soon be felt, and then to save your faith and strengthen your courage when evil prevails." (p. 16) If you feel compelled, share a time when evil prevailed in your own life. Refer back to Question Two and give God praise if He has revealed how that evil served His glory. Also feel free to note any relevant Scripture God used for your healing. I know this will be a difficult exercise for many. Please know we will be so tender with your responses and will pray with you if you are in a place of suffering.

I actually didn't answer this question, because nothing really came to mind. If it does, I'll be sure and post it here.

Just as an aside, Happy Birthday to me! I'm 37 today and I took the day off from work since it was a school holiday for the kids. My plans don't aspire to much more than a few loads of laundry and watching movies with the kids, but I am thrilled to be home!

Spectacular Sins (Chapter 2)

It's week three of our book club, and my study of this book and the biblical references that support it have been amazing! John Piper has a way of putting my thoughts into sentences for me, and I'm really enjoying the different perspectives of my fellow readers. Here are my answers to Lisa's questions:

1. I loved your quotes so much from the first session I'm going to ask you to share your favorite from this chapter!

Everything that exists, exists to make the greatness of Christ more fully known-including you, and the person you have the hardest time liking.

2. Re-read Colossians 1:15-16. Piper makes special mention that of all the things Paul could list that were made by, through, and for Christ, that he specifically mentions evil powers. In answering why Paul did this, Piper pulls an example from 2 Timothy 1:8 to show how he used weighty doctrine to address Timothy's practical issues of anxiety and fear that threatened the effect of his ministry. Considering Paul thought the 'heavy' things of God would help Timothy deal with everyday matters, how does knowing God created beings that He knew would turn from good to evil translate to your everyday life? (Use paragraphs 2 and 3 of page 36 to help form your thoughts.)

If we understand the weighty doctrines such as God’s sovereignty, then we can be confident that every time we face evil, it is already defeated. We can be confident that no matter how difficult things are, or how hopeless our world seems we can stand firm in the knowledge that we have a God who is mighty to save and that He is in control of everything. Knowing that God is an intentional God spurs me on to seek to know His will more fully and to try to understand His character more fully so that I can glorify Him more. I love the way Piper puts it: “Great biblical truths are fuel in the fire of the God-centered soul.”

3. Five summary statements are given on p. 37 as to why God wants us to know the truth of Christ's sovereignty over 'rulers and authorities' and the way they are involved in the most spectacular sins of the universe. Which one is most meaningful to you? Does it comfort you? Give you courage against the evil that we know has been disarmed by Christ?

“To make us valiant in the face of odds that seem overwhelming to the natural eye.” This particular statement gives me so much comfort, especially in light of the recent events in Washington. I know that even when it seems as though Christianity as a whole has suffered defeat, that God is not defeated. We live in a win-win situation as believers. When good triumphs, we win. It’s a clear victory and we can see the results fairly quickly. But when evil triumphs, we can take comfort in knowing that it didn’t really win. It may think it did for a season, but when all is said and done, there is no victory apart from God and we know that good has still won. It’s just that in cases such as this, it is not always immediately evident what the real victory is. Case in point…Joseph and his brothers. YEARS went by before God’s hand was fully revealed to the parties involved. We live in such an instant gratification world that we want answers right now! The will of God cannot be rushed or molded into a shape made by man.

4. Okay, this question is more of an assignment. Look at the previous commenter's answers and respond to one of her(his?) insights. If you are the first commenter, you can refer to this original post. Let's get some discussion going! :)

“Knowing it is not of him (Timothy) or me gives me and Timothy the courage to take a stand against the powers of evil that have already lost the battle at the cross.” I like the way Kim put this fundamental truth, and I think we lose sight of it when we are in the midst of our battles with evil. We don’t have to overcome evil…He overcomes it for us.

Alexandra and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

This has been a very sad day. Last night we received a call from Trevor's mom that Charly was going in to surgery because of an ectopic pregnancy. She had been having problems since she found out she was pregnant several weeks ago, and had gone in for a ultrasound to check everything out. The egg had implanted in her left fallopian tube and was about to rupture, so they had to surgically remove the tube.

The surgery went fine with no complications, but Will and Charly were on my heart last night and again when I woke up this morning. I kept racking my brain trying to figure out what I could do to make them feel better, but nothing seemed adequate. What can you say that doesn't sound ridiculous and trite the moment it leaves your mouth?

When I arrived at work my friend Kasi came into the CT room and shut the door. I excitedly asked her how she was feeling since she just found out last week that she was pregnant. What I did not expect was the flood of tears along with the news that she had miscarried the night before. She had enough bleeding early yesterday that the MD ordered an ultrasound to check things out. By Tuesday evening she realized that she had miscarried, but reading the ultrasound report this morning confirmed her fears.

My heart just broke to see her pain and tears...all I could do was hug her and reassure her that there was nothing she could have done to prevent this from happening. I helped her get out of the building so that she wouldn't have to face anyone just yet and she went home.

First Charly, now Kasi. It's hard to glorify God in the face of such grief, but that is all we can do. We have to trust in His sovereignty and know that no matter what happens in our lives, He is in control. That is reason enough to glorify Him. All I can do is offer words of support to these women that I love and be available to them in whatever way they need me.

Spectacular Sins (Chapter 6)

We have arrived at week seven of the book club and with it comes one of my favorite stories in the bible, the tale of Joseph and his brothers. A tale of jealousy, betrayal, deception and murderous intent, but at the same time a tale of love, faithfulness and restoration. Probably one of the most compelling stories in the bible for God's complete and total sovereignty over all things, good and evil.

Lisa gave us a series of questions to answer, based on a personal experience:

Looking back, describe an event that was both intended as evil and good. Are you allowing God's purposes to prevail or have you been content in accepting the evil consequences? Explain. I am going to direct everyone to something I posted last year. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you will recall this story. It was an emotionally draining situation, and it could have turned out so differently. In that particular case, I was able to see how God used the situation to grow me spiritually. I think that so many events in our lives are simply vehicles for God to teach us something about His character...just, holy, loving, faithful, jealous, righteous. In my case, He used something that only affected me indirectly to show me my own sinful behavior. It could have gone either way. I could have become even more bitter towards the people who had wronged my husband, or I could have taken the chance to reflect on the state of my own heart. Thankfully, by the guidance of the Holy Spirit I was able to accept the chastening for what it was...an opportunity to grow.

One thing that really resonated with me was Joseph's faithfulness no matter what was perpetrated against him. Are we being faithful in less than desirable situations so that God can make the most of them? How are lives being preserved as a result of your experience? When I read this question, I thought immediately of my children. My example in times of great trouble or difficulty goes beyond what I am learning, but has a permanent and lasting effect on the lives of my children. Do I want them to face adversity with a willing spirit, leaning on the strength of Jesus Christ, or do I want them to face it with bitterness and anger? I think they learn so much more about real faithfulness when they see me react once with grace and mercy in a difficult situation, than if I were to be gracious and merciful 10 times over during the good times. I pray that my faithfulness will preserve their lives in an eternal way, by being the example that leads them to a relationship with Christ.

That's What Faith Can Do

I've had this song running through my head for days now, and I just love the words. There is so much turmoil in the lives of people that I love, and uncertainty in my own life that sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming. In the midst of troubles and trials, I cling to my faith. Faith in a God who loves me and has preordained my very circumstances to grow me and draw me nearer to Him. It's so hard to see the big picture from where I'm sitting, but I have faith that He not only sees the picture but has painted it from before the foundations of the world. Trusting in His sovereignty gives me such a peace and joy, and I don't know how I would survive without Him.

Everybody falls sometimes
Got to find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than just what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
When you don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

This Day in History

Four hundred and ninety one years ago today, Martin Luther nailed the 95 Theses on the doors of a church in Wittenberg, Germany to debate the doctrine and practice of indulgences by the Catholic Church. This act by Luther was the catalyst that began the Protestant Reformation which began as an attempt to reform the Catholic Church. Many were troubled by what they saw as false doctrines and misuse of power within the Church, particularly involving the teaching and sale of indulgences. In addition, the practice of simony (buying and selling church positions) and corruption within the ranks led to a much needed reformation.

Because of the bravery and conviction of men like Martin Luther, Ulrich Zwingli and John Calvin the gospel was recovered and made available to the masses. The Five Solas sum up the core beliefs of the early reformers:

Sola Gratia (grace alone)
Sola Fide (faith alone)
Sola Scriptura (scripture alone)
Solus Christus (Christ alone)
Soli Deo Gloria (to God alone be glory)

I am of the reformed faith. I believe in election and in the complete sovereignty of God. I believe that He works all things for the good of those who are called according to His purpose. I believe in the gospel. I believe.

Peace

I have this weight around my neck.  It has 4 bedrooms, two bathrooms, one awesome fireplace and a backyard with two big pecan trees.  The house we left behind in Texas has been just one trial after another for us.  First we had no luck selling it for a variety of reasons.  Then we found a renter who, over the course of the last 10 months, has paid her rent on time exactly once.  We tried so hard to be understanding, because we knew she was newly divorced and on her own again for the first time in many years.  We waived late fees, and accepted excuse after excuse but then discovered that she had lied to us on several occasions.

Trevor received a text from her this past week informing us that she had moved out last weekend (3 months before her lease was up) because she just couldn't afford the rent.  We kind of figured that out since she hasn't paid her rent for the last two months.  Two months that we still had to pay the mortgage and the rent for our current home.  Two months of sending emails and texts with no replies.  Two months of eagerly checking the mail only to be disappointed.

Sigh.

Trevor sent her an email indicating what she owes us, and politely told her that we didn't appreciate the fact that she had sneaked out of the property and broken her lease.  She replied with a snippy email that basically said that she had a big orange U-Haul truck outside the house all weekend, so she hadn't sneaked out of the house since her moving activities were in full view of our in-law's house.

Really?  Unless I'm wrong (and I'm not), she did not sign a contract with my brother-in-law.  She signed a rental agreement with us, and even if Trevor's family was standing at the end of the driveway handing out cold water and sandwiches to them as they moved, she owed us the courtesy of a move-out notice.  In case she hadn't noticed, we live in Oklahoma and can't see her driveway from here.

A person who needs to get out of a lease, customarily submits at least a 30 day notice to the owners, not a text to say that they are already gone.  A person who isn't sneaky leaves a forwarding address to the owners of the property they vacated.  A person who is acting in a aboveboard, honest way would never move out and then disappear.

Needless to say, it's been a frustrating week for us and we would love nothing more than to sell the house and be done with it.  We're really tired of dealing with it long distance.  Trevor drove down to Dayton today so that he could make sure the house is clean and ready to either sell or rent.  He found a property manager that he is meeting with, and with any luck we can resolve this soon.

When Trevor told me what happened, I just felt sick to my stomach.  All I could think about was our savings and how much we would have to use to straighten this out, and how this means that I won't be able to go part time or even think about quitting my job in the foreseeable future.  I was angry at our renter and I  felt the burden of that house pressing in on me.

After allowing myself a few hours of self-pity, I began to feel a little ashamed of myself.  We are living in a beautiful home, my children are healthy and happy, I have a wonderful marriage to a man I adore.  We have friends and family who love us, and a God who holds us in the palm of His hand.  Despite our seemingly insurmountable problems, He has orchestrated it all from the beginning and knows how it's going to end.  All we have to do is trust that He is in control and that no matter what happens He is working for our good and His glory.

I find so much comfort in his sovereignty over my life.  It's not my inner strength or my "can do" attitude that will get me through this.  It's my complete and utter trust in Him.  I have to guard my heart and mind against worrying and fretting, because that time would be better spent in prayer and thanksgiving to the living God who commands my destiny.  Does this mean that we just shrug our shoulders and hope that everything just works out in the end?  Absolutely not!  We have a responsibility to be good stewards of our finances and property, so we clean up the mess that has been left for us.  But we don't do it with a defeatist attitude and a frown.

We are able to do it with joy, because we have peace.  It doesn't matter if our saving dwindles to nothing, and we have to give up some of our comforts until the house situation is resolved.  We have peace, and there is nothing in the world that compares.

I'm Giving Thanks

Well, November is coming to a close and I'm more than a little sorry to be finishing this challenge. It's been such a blessing (and comic relief sometimes!) to read what everyone else was thankful for, and to really sit down and give words to the things for which I am grateful.

The year is winding down, and I have so much to be thankful for. The health of my family, good friends (corporeal and cyber), milestones that my children have reached and spiritual growth. The list could go on and on, and I want to thank Leah for starting this challenge. It reminded me of all the things (small and large) that I have in my life that make me happy and comfortable. It also reminded me that even the things that make me sad and uncomfortable are there for a reason, and that I should be thankful for them too.

God intends every event in my life....He has orchestrated it from the foundation of the world and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I decided to keep my list in a post so that I would always remember the things for which I was thankful in 2007.

1. Mercy
2. Healthy children
3. A loving husband who cherishes me
4. Google
5. God's sovereignty
6. Online Christmas shopping
7. My piano
8. Hot chocolate with marshmallows.
9. Fresh oranges from my tree
10. My new screen door.
11. Spiritual revival
12. Morning calls from Ronna.
13. Good morning hugs from my sleepy 3 year old
14. The Reformation
15. My backyard.
16. Orange slices, cinnamon and cloves simmering on the stove.
17. Trevor's mechanical prowess.
18. Not being in charge of children's church for another 8 weeks.
19. Cold Shiner Bock
20. Spellcheck
21. Pizza delivery
22. Cool weather for Thanksgiving.
23. Leftovers!
24. Christmas lights
25. Blue Bell ice cream
26. Being cancer free for almost 16 years.
27. The women in my life.
28. My new deck furniture.
29. The fact that my Christmas shopping is done!
30. A day off from work to decorate!

Spectacular Sins (Chapter 5)

It's week six and John Piper is still hitting me hard with some incredible truths and giving me so much to think about regarding sin and God's sovereignty. This post is a little late, but I felt sort of lukewarm about this week's study. Maybe because I was ready to answer the questions on Monday when I was off, but didn't get the questions until Tuesday. It sort of put me in a funk, and I didn't want to answer them at all (I wonder what category of sin pouting goes into?) but then received a concerned text from a friend who was checking in because she knew that I had not posted my answers.

I realized that there was absolutely no reason that I should be putting this off. Lisa and Missy are very busy with husbands, children and LIVES, and getting my nose out of joint because they didn't get the questions to a book club posted by an imaginary time in my head (thus upsetting the delicate balance of OCD and normality in my brain) was just ridiculous. So I offer a heart felt apology to Lisa and Missy who never would have known what a freak I am if I had not posted this, but somehow felt that I needed to confess. I truly appreciate the hard work and effort you guys put into this study and for suggesting it in the first place!

And Linda...thanks for the text and for reminding me what friends are for!

1) What were the primary motivations of the people who endeavored to build the Tower of Babel? The love of praise and the love of security, which I think all sort of stem from the sin of pride.

2) Why did God consider is a sin to live in a city? Because they were trying to exalt themselves to the place of God, instead of dispersing and filling the earth with his glory. They were being disobedient to the command God gave Noah after the flood to "be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth by "clustering" together in a city. I have to believe that we are not so different today...how often do we follow the "mob mentality" instead of doing what we know is absolutely right? We need acceptance and friendship, and will sometimes go to great lengths to be part of the in crowd despite the still small voice telling us otherwise.

3) Of the five ways that Christ's glory is magnified by the spectacular sin of the Tower of Babel (pp 69-72) which one resonates with you the most, and why? Christians guarded; I never thought of the story of the Tower of Babel in quite this way. Piper says, "God's division of the world into different languages hinders the rise of a global, monolithic anti-Christian state that would have the power to simply wipe out all Christians. We humans are far too evil to be allowed to unite in one language or one government." I guess it resonated with because it was such an utterly new thought for me.

4) Can you provide an example of the way that the Gospel of Christ takes root in literally thousands of different cultures, despite language barriers, social mores, existing religious practices, etc.? What does this say about the "uniqueness" of Christianity? I have friends from high school who are now living in Germany, and in their last update were talking about attending church in a place where the language is not well know to them. In spite of the barrier, they were still able to worship and praise God alongside a congregation of German speaking people.

5) How are you also guilty of sin in the ways the Tower of Babel builders were? Where do you seek comfort apart from the Lord? I have the spiritual gift of service, and I like to think that I always seek to serve others from a sincere heart and a love of Christ, but the truth is that I enjoy the praise that comes from serving others. I crave approval and validation for my work, and sometimes I let the lack of recognition simmer in my heart as the sin of pride. Sometimes it's easier to overcome than other times, but the bottom line is that I should resist those feelings altogether. The only approval I need is from God, and any recognition or praise from man should be secondary to knowing that I glorified Him and that He is pleased with my efforts. If anything, I should try to serve others in such a way that they only see Him and not me.

When I try to seek comfort apart from the Lord, all I am doing is wallowing in my own sin. Complaining to my husband and friends is just as sinful as loving praise, and I just compound my guilt.

6) My husband often says that at the root of every sin is pride (and I have yet to be able to prove him wrong). Was this true in the case of these people? How can you confront and rebuke your own pride? I think being aware of it is the first step. That sounds so trite, but it's very true. If you are blinded as to why you behave in a certain way, then you'll never be able to overcome it. I think that if we were all willing to stop for a moment and humble ourselves before God and man, we would get a lot more accomplished as the body of Christ. If we stopped criticizing others to make ourselves look better, if we stopped thinking that certain jobs are "beneath" us and just jumped in with both feet to whatever task God has prepared for us, if we stopped....well, the list could go on and on. I really believe that pride hinders our ability to spread the gospel effectively and renders us impotent to fully glorify Him in all that we do.

Test Failed....Lesson Learned

I'm pretty sure I failed a test yesterday. Flunked. Bombed. F.

Nathan's first day of 1st grade was yesterday, and I drove him to school and walked him to the classroom. As I left him at his big-boy desk filled with books, I reminded him that he was to ride bus #7 to Miss Heather's house (our sitter) after school and that I would see him at home.

Fast forward to 4:00pm.

Nathan's bus still had not arrived at Heather's house, but I was not overly alarmed because it was the first day of school and things were bound to run a little slow. It was also raining cats and dogs, and that always slows things down.

4:17 pm.....no bus.

4:32 pm....still no bus.

I was started to get a little frantic as it was Nathan's first time ever to ride the bus, and even after repeated calls to the bus barn, I could not get a person on the line. I called Heather for updates several times, but the answer was the same.

Then at 5:01 pm Heather called me and the words she spoke made my insides turn to liquid and my heart stop beating.

"He's not on the bus."

"Oh God!! Please let him be okay! Please protect him and let him be okay!!!!" I had visions of abductions, police at the house, and search teams in the fields around our town.

As we were speaking, Trevor pulled up in her driveway, and I let her go so she could fill him in on the details. I was on the way home, sitting in traffic (if they knew how desperately I needed to get home, they would have parted like the Red Sea!) waiting for a call from Trevor. I gave him approximately 3.28 minutes, and when my phone did not ring, I called him.

I asked him what was going on, and he responded with some inane comment about how hard it was raining.

AAUUGGGHHHH!!!

I (rather rudely) interrupted with, "I don't care about the weather!! WHERE IS NATHAN??!!" Trevor was on his way home to see if Nathan had been dropped off there, which is what the driver of bus #7 had told Heather. Apparently, Nathan had gotten on the correct bus, but then through a series of misunderstandings was taken off and put on bus #29 (which goes to our empty house).

So, when Trevor discovered that Nathan was not home, he went back to Heather's to see if he had turned up there. This entire time we were unable to get in touch with the bus barn, but that is a story for another day. I was still on the phone with Trevor when he pulled up to Heather's house, and he said that Nathan was not there.

"Wait....there he is", were the sweetest words my husband has ever uttered to me. I calmly said "Thank you God!" and told Trevor good-bye. Then I promptly pulled over into the nearest parking lot and burst into tears. Tears of relief and joy that I had not lost my baby.

As soon as I recovered, I got back on the road home. I was still crying, but not so badly that I couldn't see the road. I wish I could say that I handled the situation calmly and with the knowledge that God was in control and that I could handle anything because of that knowledge.

Nope. I was a raving lunatic on the inside and my prayers were not prayers for calmness and peace, or even for grace to get me through whatever might happen. They were hastily thrown together words flung at the heavens in fear and confusion. When I should have leaned on God and let His peace and mercy wash over me and control my reactions, I could only scream in the most primal way to NOT TAKE MY SON FROM ME!

I know what the scripture says about worrying and about placing our trust completely in God, even in times of trouble. I don't usually have a problem with this when the situation is normal crazy, if you know what I mean. People who are sick, schedules bearing down on me, difficult times in my marriage, the death of loved ones, etc, etc. Those situations are built for praying and opening myself up to God's guidance and grace...I have the time to think about God's sovereignty and how I should respond as a Christian.

But in an emergency.....that's an entirely different story. I felt so ashamed after it was all over that I had not immediately stopped and prayed, praising God for being in control. I discovered that it's easy to teach Sunday School and bible study and point out these basic truths to others, with a whole fistful of scripture to back it up. It is an entirely different thing to practice it first hand when you feel like your entire world has imploded, leaving you gasping for air in the sudden vacuum.

Maybe that is the lesson I was supposed to glean from this experience. Although I failed to turn to God with complete faith and trust this time, my prayer and desire is that I will respond rightly next time.